…I don’t know anything anymore. Nothing of what I have experienced and written down the last 10 years is still in my memory…better: in my perception. I can read the old words here. But I can no longer grasp their meaning – the spiritual meaning. Now I know again as much as most other people in our society. The only difference with them is that I know that I once knew something. Something that went beyond the mind’s perception. That I knew something different.
It is the pendulum that moves. Now I am also in the mind. Or am it more than before. Maybe it is also the center to which I have returned and this seems to me so far away from my former perceptions, because I dwelled so far in the mental at that time.
Maybe you forget in the middle. Rest there. And simply acts in the sense. Without noticing it. I hope it is. But even if it is not. The path must be followed. Who am I to prefer one and reject the other.
Wagner Tschen was right after all. The written word is only garbage without what stands behind the thoughts. Nothing can move my words with him who is not in the position to perceive what is behind them and the thoughts. With him whose pendulum is not in the right position. Even the writer, the thinker of the words can lose their true meaning.
Am I forsaken of God? Or is God now so within me – in my earthly being and my soul being – that I can no longer perceive him separately? Am I now whole? To be whole means to be in the middle. To be in the middle also means to feel pain. But does it also mean to be afraid?
Everything is new. After ten years, a new phase begins on the circle. The pendulum swings back. With the five senses, the unknown returns. I am full of certainty and yet also full of fear.