What is THAT now? I’m not feeling – boredom right now!? – When was the last time I felt that? It must have been a long time ago. More than a decade I would say….
And now it’s here. This desire to finally leave this „field“. To go somewhere. To see something. Dissatisfaction groping its way in. Restlessness. Uneasiness when Charlotte keeps filling in for others professionally and we don’t get anywhere with our plans. When we can’t plan. – Projects that we could also tackle in a week. Or in two months. Some perhaps not at all.
That’s how it is. I realise now. For four weeks I had to limit myself. For four weeks I had to limit an ego that had been unleashed to the maximum. An infant consciousness that, as it grew, developed the ability to increasingly assert its egoism with physical and mental, analytical power. I had to prevent it from growing to infinity, from taking over everything and dragging everyone and everything into chaos in its pure ego reference. Prevent it from destroying. Prevent it from hurting. Teach it to find peace. Teach it to recognise peace in the first place. It teaches to recognise that rest is necessary for life. Four weeks of being predominantly (not always) in the five senses with an entity that grew stronger and larger, seemingly conjuring destructive and demoralising activity out of empty air. Almost without ceasing. Four weeks that contained little peace for me and in which I had to use my masculine energy, my limiting energy to an increased degree. In which I first had to impose my will on this being in maximum ego-consciousness, for lack of any other access. This being called Juli. The unlimited, pony-sized young dog that had found its way to us.
Now the effect is showing. Juli has realised that she is not alone in the world. Has realised that she has to be considerate. She has realised how good it is to be safe in a secure community. How good it is to be able to give. How pleasant it is to rest. How beautiful it can be to swing together. The ego is now limited in their consciousness and gives room for experiences of security.
And so I stand there now, I realise with amusement. I, with my ego extended, my material assertiveness, and it is still so active. The five senses are still so sharpened from the struggle. And now, suddenly, there is nothing left to do. And there it is: the restlessness, the unrestrainedness, the discontent, the dissatisfaction. The gnawing boredom. This is the point from time immemorial when men (better: the consciousnesses dominated by the mind) moved out. Left their place to see something new, to erase their pain by taking over the world. Through hearing, seeing, smelling, tasting, feeling and, yes, and through the ACT. For what else is there to do in the material state of consciousness but to do something? And so they did. And since there was nothing out there but the world, they did to the world. And since they were only in the ego, they had only pain, for that is the cause of their restlessness, their discord, it is what forced them out of their homes, away from their comforting hearths. And so, for them, the world, since there was nothing there but them, was to blame for their pain. And so they did to the world what we now see. And when they did it to each other, they did it to each other. For now there was another culprit for their own pain. And all hearing, seeing, smelling, tasting and feeling became ever so insipid and the pain kept coming and it kept needing new culprits and the eye found them and the finger pointed at them and the mind destroyed them. And never, never was the pain erased afterwards….
And so now I stand there at our property line and look over the fence. And realise that there is nothing there that I need to experience with my ego. My ego again leaves room in my consciousness for the soul knowledge. Now I know again that everything is as it is. Now I can go to Juli and be with her in her new and in my regained peace. And when we go outside, it won’t be out of boredom. No, we won’t. When we go outside, it will be in deepest inner peace. Not in search of culprits or redemption. We will go in love and the knowledge of unity. Only in this way may man leave his hearths….