One form of fear is worry. I remember a phase of my life when „liking“, in the guise of worry about possible loss, had secretly taken possession of me. At that time I was very worried about having to preserve something from passing away. I didn’t sleep well at night and during the day my thoughts were also caught up in these anxious thoughts. It was the fear of loss that drove me. That played me, like an instrument. My thinking was dominated by worry about our house and worry about my old car. The trees that grew so close to our house! The roots! Weren’t they already going under the foundation? Didn’t I already feel under the parquet floor how the thin screed was broken and the floor was pushed up by the roots of the enormous pines and firs? Where was this going to end? Again and again I heard from the trees „Trust! “ But I could not. Every day I looked anxiously into the treetops, down the trunk, and then at the ground where, in my view, hidden destruction lurked. – My car! My old car! – It had just passed the TÜV without any faults, with its 26 years – Maybe it was rusting! At the underbody! In the wheel housings! If I didn’t pay attention, it would be too late in two years and I would have to have it scrapped. Just because I wasn’t paying attention! Again and again I imagined how – unnoticed by me – the rust was secretly and hiddenly doing its destructive work day after day. Until it would be too late. Now I could still prevent it!
I „liked“ our house and I „liked“ my car. In other words, I was afraid of losing them. Losing her to something insidious and stealthy that was beyond my control until it would be too late. I had to do something to preserve her! I had fundamental fears in the truest sense of the word.
So I dug up the earth around our house to a depth of one meter and bought ten cans of undercoating for the car. After my digging, I found that NOT a single root of these such massive trees had even approached the foundation of our house, let alone undermined it and pushed it up in a perfidious and stealthy manner. When I lay down under my car armed with the spray cans, I realized in silent amazement that there was NOT a single spot on the vehicle that needed impregnation in the slightest. Nevertheless, I sprayed all the cans. Better safe than sorry! Said my worried mind. At that moment, I suddenly and clearly realized that something had gone completely wrong here! And I was ashamed. – „Safe is safe!? Safe is safe??? Pah! What has your mental knowledge actually taught you until today?! Nothing!? Nothing at all!?! Nothing at all???! Sure is sure? I think I’m crazy!!! “ – I was so embarrassed. All those years I drove the car and it drove and drove (Of course there were individual wear parts that needed to be replaced, but that was normal and part of the process). I never had to worry and was allowed to be blissfully happy like a child. And now I had no confidence. Not even when my own eyes had proven to me that I had nothing to worry about, when I was allowed to look that the car was completely in order, even then I could not trust and still had to buy the „safety“ with ten cans of spray wax and was still not sure afterwards whether I had really sprayed everything completely – protected! – had. – The house! The trees told me for months to trust, they wanted us no harm. But I had to dig! I had to dig and realize what a fool I was. I had to realize how sheltered I was, but that I couldn’t feel it anymore! I almost wanted to saw off the trees before! Every time I measured them with my looks, I also looked for the suitable aisle into which I could have dropped them one after the other. Certainly is certain! My mental knowledge was weak at this time. My isolation, my fear, my worry of losing something was great… And so I had to do it like the unbelieving – better: the ignorant – Thomas: I had to see and feel the truth. Had to perceive it with my mind, because my soul perception was so absent. I know how difficult it can be to trust…to know….
How often does it become clear to each of us that our worry was so unfounded? How often do we have to realize that all our worries and all our actions, our efforts, were unnecessary and superfluous, because everything would also have straightened itself out „by itself“? We then say „by itself“. It would be better to say „We were protected and taken care of“.
Isn’t it precisely when we worry a lot, move a lot, and expend a lot of effort to achieve – or preserve – something that our persistence is involved? Don’t these great worries and efforts result from the fact that we tenaciously want to keep or achieve something that perhaps should have been gone a long time ago or that is simply not on our path? Instead of tenaciously persevering, shouldn’t we rather let go and, trusting God, knowing love and unity, let destiny fulfill itself? It is important to feel – to know – that we can trust that everything will be directed „by itself“. Not necessarily in such a way that we „like“ it, but in such a way that it becomes right.
I don’t know why I occasionally get into such phases of worry or why other people do. Only I think it is necessary to recognize these phases as such. To know that they result from a lack of soul knowledge and confidence. That they have their cause in too much isolation and fear. I don’t know what to do about it when one is in this phase. It seems to be individual. Maybe the recognition already helps to let destiny work again. Maybe it is already enough to recognize that then and only then everything goes its right way.