It is a physical perception. Purely physical is its origin. The pressure of the vessels from within. The pulse, whose single beat I feel as a vibration of the whole body. Every sound, every question, every presence is too much. Creates too much perception. Too much pain.
What follows is irritability, and if the perceptions do not stop, then anger follows. The throbbing then increases. Communication is difficult. Personal expression is not very positive. More pain. Separation pain. Loneliness. Consequently: More irritability. Inner despair. Hatred of the world. Will to destroy…
And all this without any cause. For days I have been contemplating this state of mine. From the outside. I know there is no cause. And yet my ego cannot escape this downward spiral. And why not? Because the body creates the pressure, the throbbing pulse. If the pressure would go, and the throbbing pulse, then there would be peace again. It is as simple as that.
Everybody can look there once when they get into anger again: if the pressure and the pulse were not there, wouldn’t they be at peace again?
So the anger, the hatred, the irritation, the will to destroy everything that causes you pain – also – arises without cause. So purely out of the body. But who is aware of this? The normal person looks for the cause of his suffering in the perceptions that increase the pain in him. In the sounds, the words, the persons. He does not realise that the suffering was there first. And that without the existing suffering he would deal with the sounds, words and persons without any problems and openly. That he would act in a different state of consciousness. That he would live in a different world than he does now in his suffering, the unconditioned one.
So mind and body is one thing. If the work stresses us, the stomach gets ulcers. Does the body generate pressure and pulse, then the ego goes into defence and annihilation mode. Both mind and body are made of the earthly.
Now there are two more remarkable aspects to this matter in my case.
First the good: I am able to look at this state from the outside. Calm. Outside of the smouldering anger in my body-mind system. I am aware. I know it’s not the sounds, the words or the people that I’m about to explode.
Now the bad: although I am conscious, I can do nothing about this physical state. Nothing helps. And so then the condition of my ego is not changeable… Not with my means. I react irritably and feel separated from the world.
What does that mean? It means that the term ‚causeless‘ is not quite right. There is an cause, an external influence. It just doesn’t affect us through the five senses. It is our connection with the cosmos. There is a material vibration – perhaps it is really only one – on which everything material vibrates. I am very much exposed to it right now. My father vibrates on it as a psychopath. He has me very much on it with his hatred right now. If that is so, then, as a manifestation of the same vibration, our landlords always come into play as if conjured out of a hat. Just as damaged. The house is to be sold. They deal with us. Other people in suffering seek to connect with me. Right now. And so I resonate in that suffering too. Without seeing or speaking to any of them. Or having seen or spoken. Not to speak of people’s fear of the Corona and Ukraine winters. If this is how I feel, how do the people in their not-yet-paid-off terraced houses next door feel?
And it means that most of the suffering in our society is transferred to people from outside – without „cause“ – and is mutually reinforced. Like a nuclear chain reaction in a thermonuclear weapon that eventually leads to a destructive explosion.
The hatred in the world comes first. And then the mind looks for its culprit. The non-sentient, the all-hating have kindled this nuclear fire and it is now perpetuating itself through hopeless, cold materialism over all humanity. Would the pressure and throbbing in the bodies of the people cease: Then their minds and therefore the world would be at peace.
If I, who recognise this, cannot turn it off, how can good words like „Don’t get so upset. Look on the bright side.“ catch on with someone who knows nothing about the origin of his shimmering feeling?
There is the yogic path. Its aim is to make the body and the mind subservient to the higher self. To free them from their aberration. Not to allow the tools body and mind to continue to run amok, but to allow them to be in a beneficial state. It is probably this path that humanity needs to take. A path in integrated consciousness. Out of the reflex of the earthly chain reaction of suffering of body and mind.
I will have to tread it with more seriousness. After all, I cannot always wait until all those oscillating in material suffering have turned away from me inwardly again….
Addendum: The yogic path is the only way I know to free ourselves from the dominance of the mind and the body. Now I know it.
If you like, you can look here: https://innerengineering.sadhguru.org/