„Sometimes I go through the wall with a hammer“ a manager once told me.
With the hammer through the wall… An image that has never left me. A lonely insane will in groundless furious rage enforces his „I WILL!“ mercilessly. Mercilessly against the circumstances. Mercilessly towards himself. Sweating, breathing heavily, with aching bones and widened eyes, he thunders his sledgehammer into the concrete wall that stands where he does not want it to stand. Blocking the way he wants to go. Destructive action. Hateful. Perhaps furious, but perhaps cold and calculating, single-minded hatred with methodical and targeted hammer blows on the right points of attack of the wall.
This image has never left me again. This image, with which the manager wanted to emphasize his uncompromising assertiveness. He wanted to say that he would make anything possible. Even the impossible.
This is how you go the way of the ego. The way of one’s own will.
I have thought a lot about this image and realized that, unlike the manager, I allow my path to be given to me. Better: that the path is given to me. It is offered to me, laid before my feet, so to speak, and I simply step in gratitude from one milestone to the next.
Where will it take me? To the end. To death. To transformation. To meaning.
The meaning is not necessarily in action. If the path given is a path of tranquility, then this is the path that leads to meaning. Another may be offered great activity. But this is not necessary.
Every day I observe myself. My ego, my soul, my consciousness and my way. Observe who advises me. Who guides me. And watch very closely, if maybe there is not a tiny little hammer in my hand, hammering on a tiny little wall….