A few years ago I thought I needed new winter boots. The old ones seemed worn out, they were no longer waterproof and anyway: it just seemed time for a new pair.
Beaten six weeks I have then occupied myself on the Internet with winter boots! Six weeks! Somehow something in me was of the opinion, it must now be something sensible. From a reputable manufacturer who produced quality. Durable, but not too expensive. Waterproof, with a good sole and of course lined. I was delirious. My wife asked, „What are you thinking about right now?“ – „Winter boots!“ – „Oh my goodness! “ Always winter boots. All online department stores were visited. Countless models, new or used, sifted through the internet, watched, marked up and discarded. SIX weeks long!
Until I finally found them! The right ones! Used. Worn twice (but like new!), mid-height, lined, waterproof for a third of the new price! The madness had an end. Something in me was finally satisfied.
I like to tell this story from time to time. For two reasons. One is that some people who turn up at one of my events visibly breathe a sigh of relief afterwards – and laugh. I have emptied a drawer loaded with prejudices in them through this story. In summary, these drawers often contain something like the following: „Now I am with this man to learn something spiritual. He must know so much more than I do. I better not say anything. It might just be stupid. He is probably a vegetarian and actually looks down on us little weak, worldly sinners. Who knows what he perceives in my aura. He surely sees all my themes. And he can handle it all. And I do not. And he must have been in Kathmandu for a year and lived as an ascetic.“ I’m not exaggerating. I really do get encountered like that or something like that occasionally when I decide to get in front of people on spiritual topics. I don’t like that. Sometimes I also make a stupid joke first, which seems everything else but holy. You can then literally see how some people’s jaws drop and they first make a fresh start, because the beautiful drawers that they have dragged from so far, simply no longer contain the right thing. It is something NEW! After this sweeping out, we can then have a splendid conversation. From like to like. Even if some are first a little huffy and watch me a little suspiciously at first. The drawer just doesn’t fit. There was an almost holy revelator in it. And not a guy almost like from next door, who has not been in Kathmandu as an ascetic. At least one year.
The story goes a little further and that brings me to the second reason why I sometimes tell it. I have been inwardly annoyed for the whole six weeks that I have not gotten rid of these wretched winter boots. Not terribly annoyed, but rather a little amused, but also a little helpless. And I looked at the situation with interest from the outside. For a really long time, something so external and thing-like had not captivated me. These boots were obviously pure ends in themselves. I could have taken a walk straight to the nearest country store. There I would have informed myself, which shoe is considered then by the agriculture up-to-date as waterproof, durable and comfortable. They must know that. I would have bought the recommended then and basta! He would not have been as beautiful as my acquisition from the Internet. He would probably have been half a rubber boot. But it would have fulfilled its function. Only, to all appearances, that was not possible at that moment.
For me, the end in itself has been on the back burner for a long time. In general, it no longer has any meaning for me. It belongs to the area of external ornaments with which our mind wants to feel good. It is external adornment or the external gratification of the senses with external things. Self-purpose involves vanity and a delineation of the self from the rest of the world. I certainly know what I’m talking about: the two-seater convertible I used to drive in another life can’t be said to have any practical component, even by the shrewdest rhetorician. It was pure hedonistic end in itself. „Roof up. Wind around your ears. Finally, closing time!“ It looked the same on my motorcycle. Beautiful and fast.
That is the second reason why I like to tell this story: It is not forbidden, if one, as a person who strives for spiritual knowledge, also once gives in to his desires and needs in the outside. It is nonsensical, but it is not bad! I was annoyed, but I couldn’t wait for those shoes to finally arrive at my house in the mail! It was nonsensical, but it just was at that moment.
Only when you are no longer aware of the nonsense, then it can be harmful. When the color of the wall leads to arguments. When yellow envy eats you up because the neighbor has the bigger car or the supposedly nicer vacations.
If I am aware of this, then I can say, „What an external fuss. How I get upset. Bad, bad. Because of such things that cannot touch my inner being. Whether the wall is blue or red, whether the neighbor’s car is big or small. What should it matter to my inner self? But I am annoyed now anyway. And let it also again remain. “ or I can enjoy and say: „What a beautiful nonsense! Isn’t it nice that I know one of the world and but also the other! “
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