„You’ve probably found the right thing for you, haven’t you?“ This sentence came from a man whose life at that time was in tremendous contrast to my life at that time. He was „out there“ – „Outside, all hell is raging at the moment!“. He led difficult projects to success – „I won’t be able to do it forever. But somehow I’m into it.“ – And I was forced at that point to tell him some things about my life, my attitudes towards it, and my ideas and worldview. How it came about is not important. It was like this. And it was probably meant to be. No long story this time.
The above opening sentence from him was actually one of his last in our conversation at the time. He said it then that afternoon, sitting across from me in the café area of a bakery, a little inquiring – looking deep into my eyes. A little thoughtful and very serious. – „I guess you found the right thing for you, didn’t you?“ – I didn’t know the answer to that. I raised my hands a little from the table for a moment, made a somewhat deliberate grimace with my mouth, and said „Well…. Yes. Maybe.“ I didn’t know how to reply, because according to the truth – my truth – I should have said, „No. You got that wrong. I didn’t find anything. – I didn’t find anything because I wasn’t looking for anything. Today it is so. But tomorrow everything can be different again! This is not an end point in which I have set up myself willingly and consciously – perhaps even still purposefully. It is a point of time. A point in time where I am right now. No more. There is no goal. And no search. And therefore no finding. Especially not the right thing. What is that anyway?! The right thing! Who knows: Maybe we’ll meet again one day and our roles will be reversed. It’s not far-fetched.“
But I didn’t want to tell him that way. Not at that time. He had just begun to suspect something and his mind could interpret this, however, only in the only usual way known to him. The usual way is: wish (of the mind) → deed (after imagination and prognosis of the mind) → fulfillment (in the frame in which the mind could prognosticate the events). And best of all, hit the right thing right away. Having arrived and doing what is right for one. And then try to stay with it as long as possible. Fight for it – to the death.
He had tried to process what he had understood in his soul with his usual means and to classify it in the usual ways. I did not want to take away from him by further words what he had just grasped in non-sayable in soul way. Therefore I did not insist on a correction (in words). Therefore I did not instruct him with a specification of my views (by words). Therefore I vaguely affirmed his questioning statement and let our conversation work in his soul. May his mind have come to wrong conclusions by my affirmation: It didn’t matter. Even the toughest project manager is a soulful being. And also the hardest project manager perceives with his soul sense. And his gaze can then become inquiring, serious and thoughtful. As if he were remembering. Vaguely remembering something he had possessed and then lost ages ago, oh so ages ago.
hast für Dich wohl das Richtige gefunden, oder?“ Dieser Satz stammte von einem Mann, dessen damaliges Leben in einem gewaltigen Gegensatz zu meinem damaligen Leben stand. Er war „draußen“ – „Draußen tobt zur Zeit die Hölle!“. Er führte schwierige Projekte zum Erfolg – „Ewig werd’ ich es nicht mehr machen können. Aber irgendwie steh’ ich da aber auch drauf.“ – Und ich war zu diesem Zeitpunkt gezwungen, ihm einiges über mein Leben, meine Einstellungen dazu und meine Vorstellungen und meine Weltanschauung zu erzählen. Wie es dazu kam, ist nicht von Bedeutung. Es war so. Und es sollte wohl so sein. Diesmal keine lange Geschichte.